My chest tightens before my hand even reaches the remote. The familiar yet stupid sensation tells me I will select the simple path to escape. Not because I’m horny. Because I don’t want to screw things up. Again.
He’s right there. Too close. The distance appears to be exactly right which triggers my brain to start performing unwanted mathematical operations. The entire structure will collapse when I make an incorrect statement. Friendship included. So I don’t say anything. I press play instead. That’s the pain. Not desire. Fear.
We’ve done this a hundred times. Couch. Half-watched series. The food cartons create a stack which proves we have visited this place so many times that we cannot hide the fact that it happens frequently. I say something foolish because the prolonged silence between us has become unbearable. Reflex. Defense. People employ humor as a protective mechanism to safeguard themselves from hazardous circumstances which emerge during difficult times.
Adult content exists primarily for sexual purposes according to public opinion. That’s cute. Most of the time it’s about avoiding a conversation your body is already having. Your nervous system produces intense signals which porn uses to create a state of complete silence.
If you’re curious what people actually reach for when they don’t want to feel exposed, scroll any adult platform for five minutes — https://iporno.co.il/en/
makes that pretty obvious. It’s not about bodies. It’s about control.
The episode continues to play. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. My eyes are on the screen, but my attention is on the space between us. The unspoken area which carries both intense energy and foolishness remains unnamed by anyone.
I reach for my mug and immediately stand up to put it in the sink. It’s not dirty. I just need to move.
“Relax,” he says. Calm. Always calm. “You’re pacing.”
“I’m not pacing,” I say while I quickly return to the couch.
The following section contains scientific information because my brain requires factual data when strong emotions become active. The body produces more cortisol when people experience anticipation that does not lead to any resolution. Prolonged tension does that too. The brain produces an instant response to adult content which starts with a stimulus followed by a peak before it ends with a decrease. No social risk. No rejection. Basic chemistry knowledge was essential for someone to manage the crowd effectively in this situation.
Which is great. All forms of truthful communication will disappear because people will start using deception as their primary method of communication.
The room falls back into its previous state of complete silence. Thicker this time.
He keeps his gaze ahead while saying “Have you ever observed that our shows always pause at the moment when real events are about to start?”
There it is. Direct. No padding.
I laugh. Too fast. “Wow. Deep analysis.”
He turns his head. Holds my gaze. Doesn’t let me escape into irony.
“I mean it,” he says. “Do you ever think about… us not pretending this is nothing?”
My stomach drops. People attempt to run away from this specific drop during nighttime hours while using unmentioned tablets.
I open my mouth. Close it. The phone which rested on the table began to produce a buzzing noise. Old reminder flashes:
“date?”
The sound levels in my ears appear to be louder than what the actual noise produces.
“Well,” I say. “That’s embarrassing.”
He smiles. Not teasing. Just…
“That answer your question?”he asks.
Adult content enables users to experience an excellent time through private personal communication which allows them to express their desires. No eye contact. No consequences. The practice of desire without risk exposure creates a dangerous situation which makes actual relationships seem terrifying to you. That’s not philosophy. That’s attachment theory. The process of avoidance leads to the development of avoidance behaviors.
“I didn’t want to ruin this,” I say finally. “We’re good. I didn’t want to be the reason it stops being good.”
He nods. Slow. The words seem to have been waiting for him to speak them.
“I can handle a no,” he says. “I can’t handle guessing.”
The impact of this moment exceeds everything which could be shown through direct depictions.
The show unpauses by itself. A character on screen delivers a forced and obvious statement about friendship and romance and when things happen.
I point at the TV. “Oh come on. Subtle.”
We both laugh. Real laugh. Relief laugh. Your shoulders naturally drop down without needing any form of authorization.
Laughter matters. Neurologically. It resets threat perception. Lowers defensiveness. The ability of humor to reduce tension makes it a better solution than porn could ever provide. One gives release. The other gives safety.
The discussion becomes more straightforward after this point. Not dramatic. No speeches. Just boundaries said out loud.
“No expectations.”
“No pressure.”
“If it gets weird, we stop.”
The practice of obtaining consent exists as a polite act rather than a sexually appealing one. The design stands out because it presents itself in a straightforward manner. The brain reaches relaxation through its ability to identify its current condition.
The following events develop gradually instead of happening abruptly. It’s chosen. The couple engages in sexual activities which include mutual sex that they perform together in a peaceful manner without any sexual intercourse. No descriptions for you. That’s not the point.
Afterward, we don’t rush to fill the silence.
The kitchen light remains active at this time. The sink contains water which has not been drained. The world didn’t end.
I stare at the ceiling while saying “Honestly” that I feel lighter.
He exhales. “That’s what not lying does.”
I need to verify the information because you have most likely made the necessary connections.
People watch adult content because:
The system produces guaranteed results because users do not have any protected ways to show their actual preferences.
— It regulates stress, not just arousal
The platform lets users start discussions about important subjects which they normally would stay away from.
Almost-three common traps:
Thinking it means you’re broken
Using it forever instead of talking.
Pretending it has nothing to do with fear
The last statement tends to fade away. For a reason.
Watching adult content doesn’t make you weak. Your nervous system functions as a human system which responds negatively to experiences of rejection. The only time you allow yourself to want something leads to the beginning of your loss.
Me?
I wish I had chosen to be honest at an earlier time.
The remote control stays in its current position on the surface.
Still not explaining that.
